I called my mother from work at the usual time this morning, and she was having the speech difficulties she often has when she’s upset by something. But she managed to say to me, “I have company today.” Using my best powers of interpretation, I guessed that she meant Eva, the homemaker. “No,” she said.… Continue reading Deja vu / September 6, 2006
Several times this past week I’ve heard myself telling someone that my mother would probably be moving into assisted living fairly soon. Each time the words startled me–as if I were hearing someone else saying them. I don’t know when the “if” became “when”–or even if it truly has become “when”–but a part of me… Continue reading Ifs and whens / September 2, 2006
I didn’t make a conscious decision to take a hiatus from posting, and really didn’t notice that I’d withdrawn until Gail mentioned it to me in an email. But it’s true–I’ve felt so weighed down by everything that I haven’t had the spirit to write. Today was an awful day. It didn’t start out that way–I left… Continue reading Going home / August 29, 2006
Today my sister and I had an appointment to talk with my mother’s primary care doctor. I left our meeting with a good feeling, not because of any hopeful news about my mother, but because I feel fortunate in having my mother under this doctor’s care. We were referred to him shortly after the AD… Continue reading The good doctor / August 23, 2006
Today was one of those flat summer days–flannel-colored sky and spongy air. I usually wake up on Sunday morning with a list of chores that should have been done on Saturday, and today was no different. Yesterday was a washout because my “post-traumatic” migraine (entirely expected) kept me out of the sunshine and in my… Continue reading Quotidian / August 20, 2006
I returned to work today, after two whole days of being unable to control my tears. Although I dreaded the day I’d have to say good-bye to my beautiful boy, I was still unprepared for the torrent of grief that followed. I am extremely fortunate to work with many animal lovers–people who actually cried with… Continue reading Being sad alone / August 17, 2006
I lost one of the joys of my life today: my collie Dustin. I’m still overcome with grief, even though I had been trying to prepare myself for this day. Oddly, I felt relieved to release him from his suffering, which had been short. His breathing has worsened overnight and by morning he was intubated.… Continue reading Grief / August 14, 2006
It’s 1 AM and I can’t sleep–I’m pretty wide awake, actually. The reason being that I’ve just returned from the emergency clinic at the Animal Hospital, after leaving one of my dogs there. He was fine last night, but awoke early this morning and vomited. I then noticed that his head was leaning seriously to… Continue reading Dog days / August 14, 2006
My first Aid & Attendance post received the following comment, which is definitely worth repeating here: Hey Deb, I read your post about trying to get VA benefits, and thought you mightlike to know about www.GovBenefits.gov. It’s the official benefits Website of the US Government and provides information on more than 1,000programs including scholarships. The site also… Continue reading Aid & Attendance, part 2 / August 11, 2006
I had read about memory loss, confusion and dysphasia, but I was not prepared for the behavioral changes that often come with Alzheimer’s. I don’t know if they are actually the second most stressful part of living with my mother–-after finances–-but they are the most likely triggers of my anger. Today, for example, I had… Continue reading Stress, part 2 / August 9, 2006
