The Yellow Wallpaper » Blog Archive » The Beginning of Good-bye

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The Beginning of Good-bye

April 1st, 2008

I am slowly allowing myself to realize that this will be my mother’s last infirmity. I kept playing devil’s advocate with myself as she’s failed over the past couple of weeks–how on earth could she fail so quickly?–but this is one of the ways it happens. It boils down, I think, to an injury of her spirit. Something within her is saying, “It’s time to go.”

As if on cue, a bed opened up in the skilled nursing unit at Garden Manor, and she’ll be moving back there soon. Her doctor mentioned something about a feeding tube and I said NO NO NO. She’s 86 years old (yesterday was her birthday) and the past few years have been difficult for her. I will have Hospice attend to her. Right now she is halfway there, I think–she sleeps a lot and mumbles about her teaching days. She doesn’t seem to be in any great pain or distress (unless someone lifts her the wrong way). I don’t want any more CT scans or x-rays or stretchers. She will go gently.

Posted by Deb Filed in Caregiver, Alzheimer's, Death, Grief

4 Responses to “The Beginning of Good-bye”

Gail Rae Hudson Says:
April 1st, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Good. I’m pleased she’ll go gently. I hope gentleness for you, too, Deb, as she slip slides away.
Maggie Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 6:56 am
Just a note to say how sad I feel for you - it’s very difficult. Will be thinking of you and your Mother over the next few days. Best wishes to you from Liverpool.
Robert T DeMarco Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:26 am
God bless you.

Bobby
Pam Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:08 pm
As hard as you think it will be when the end does come for your Mom, it will be even worse. But you will be grateful she is finally at peace. And you will always know in your heart you did all you could do, and so will she.

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